would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
