I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize