So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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