I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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