Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
