but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
