Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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