CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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