The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
