easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
