honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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