You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
