I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
