If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
