All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
