I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
