We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
