you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
