So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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