Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
