bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
