Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
