there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's blow job season.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
