just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
