Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
