my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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