you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
