apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
