Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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