Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
