girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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