**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
