After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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