the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
50% drunk capacity currently
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
