i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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