woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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