look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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