My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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