Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
