My liver just broke up with me...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did I show you my penis last night?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
