Who did Billy Mays play for?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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