Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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