Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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