At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
