I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
