I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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