I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
