it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
