U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
