so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
