I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
