I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
