its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
