2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Vodka?
Forever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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