im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
