I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize